This passage refers to Question 22
Road Angels?
This is one subject that I venture into with great
trepidation, for we all know that the female of the
species is deadlier than the male. Behind the wheel
they enjoy the status of angels, road angel, but as I see it for one to be an angel one first has to be dead.
Many insurance companies offer special premiums to
women drivers as statistically they’ve been proven to
be involved in fewer accidents than men.
Statistics or not we all know how it goes as many of us have suffered at the indiscretions of our fair sex as they propel their vehicles on our roads.
True they mightn’t be in as many accidents, but my,
how they cause them as men have to be bobbing,
weaving and swerving out of their way. Whereas a man will skilfully traverse our lunar-like potholes-
pitted so-called roads a female driver will blissfully
plop down, drive round inside and then out of these
huge canyons with never a thought to front-end shocks
or springs. Men looking on in disbelief or expecting her to swerve will go into shock, lose control of their vehicles
an crash, adding to the male statistic.
Sometimes being too careful can also being a bad
thing. Most women drivers drive to the letter of the
law, 30 miles per hour, left of centre of the road, both hands on the steering wheel, posture perfect.
A man in a hurry who wants to get nowhere fast has to flash aroundher, lose control of his car and crash, adding again to the male statistic.
The other thing is that come hell or high water women 30 not giving no ‘bligh’ in traffic. A man will spot you inching out of a side road, stop and give you a let
through, with both of you responding with a honk of the horn saying “nuff thanks spar”.
A woman driver though will see you boring out desperately, you bumper almost pon top of hers, yet she will swing out with more effort than it would take to stop, effectively blocking your path. Notice too that there’s never any
eye contact; your eyes won’t mek four.
Still the skill of some of our female drivers is remarkable. The first time (at age 16) I put my daughter behind the wheel of my car she drove it like
sh was driving at Dover for years. Foolishly I asked
her if she had been taking lessons before. Her reply
was that she just watched people when they drove and 45 followed suit. Conversely, I have an aunt who went to
“board” eight times before she finally got her license.
That was 30 years ago but she still grits the gears.
Once I remembered coming back from the north coast
when I encountered this hapless female stuck
crossways in the road trying desperately to manoeuvre
her car. Before I could say "what dat"my female
companion jumped out from beside me, pushed the
other lady aside and skillfully extricated her car from
where it was stuck. She was worthy of a trailer driver.
Chivalrou soul that I am, I once offered to assist a lady who had trouble getting her car out of a tight
spot. Well pardon me for asking, but the cussing I got
from that woman would make a sailor blush. “Whey
you tek me fah, true me a ooman you tink sah me can drive?
Just move and go whey.”
Another time I was driving back from the country
again and a female friend of mine to follow-back-a har
for protection. Well even in my four wheeler I could
not keep up with her as is pure two wheel corner she take pan the Junction road.
Only Summarbell and Thompson me see drive so and
when we reach town and I breathlessly asked her why,
the reply was, “I was late for my mani-pedi”.
Whereas men will cuss and even shoot each other over 70 traffic infractions, a female driver will merely give
you the ultimate insult, the raised middle finger. While
driving with one such gesticulator I saw her giving this
driver “the finger” but with her little finger instead.
Fraid as I was, I asked “why?” “Because he’s not good enough for the best,” shot back her reply.
So there we have it, our female drivers, our femme
fatales, our road angels, are here to stay. Say what you
will but always be mindful that they’ll put the finger
on you.
Adopted from Caribbean Examination Council CSEC English for Self Study and Distance Learning