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The Story of the Orange

Marshall Rosenberg tells the following story to illustrate the heart of Nonviolent Communication:

Waiting for a bus at the Greyhound Bus Terminal in San Francisco, I saw a sign on the wall: “Teenagers: Do Not Talk to Strangers.” The evident purpose of the sign was to alert runaway teenagers to the dangers that await them in large cities: pimps, for example, are known to stalk lonely, frightened teenagers at terminals. With practiced warmth, they offer friendship, food, a place to stay, some drugs.  Before long, they have trapped the teenagers into prostituting for them.

I felt sickened by this reminder of how human beings can be so predatory, but as I walked into the waiting area, my spirits lifted immediately. There I saw an elderly migrant farm worker with an orange on his lap. It was all that remained of his brown-bag lunch, which he had apparently just finished eating. Across the room, a toddler nestled in his mother’s lap was staring at the man’s orange. Noticing the child’s gaze, the man immediately stood up and walked toward him. As he drew near, he looked at the boy’s mother, and with a gesture, asked her permission to give the orange to the boy. The mother smiled. Just before reaching the child, however, the man stopped, cradled the orange in both hands, and kissed it. He then handed it to the child. Sitting down next to the man, I told him that I was moved by what I had seen him do. He smiled, seeming pleased to have his act appreciated. “I was particularly touched by your kissing the orange before giving it to the boy,” I added.

He was silent for a few moments, his expression earnest, before he finally responded, “I have lived for sixty-five years, and if there is one thing I have learned, it is never to give unless I give from the heart.”

I have found that if you want to learn something, the desire must come from the heart as well. If you want to learn something or master a skill because you have to or need to it will make it more difficult. If on the other hand you come from the heart, learning will become joy and not a chore. 

Find a place where you enjoy being and may be undisturbed for at least half an hour to 45 minutes. 

Take some conscious breaths to quiet your mind and body. Notice your environment: what do you see, hear, smell, feel in this place?

Before you turn your attention to answering these questions, check to see how you feel and what your body is experiencing. Do you feel agitated, bored, tranquil, melancholic …?  Are you holding tension in your face, shoulders, back, left little toe …?  

Now release any tension and be fully present in this moment and let everything else fade from your consciousness.