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Find a place where you enjoy being and may be undisturbed for at least half an hour to 45 minutes.
Take some conscious breaths to quiet your mind and body. Notice your environment: what do you see, hear, smell, feel in this place?
Before you turn your attention to answering these questions, check to see how you feel and what your body is experiencing. Do you feel agitated, bored, tranquil, melancholic …? Are you holding tension in your face, shoulders, back, left little toe …?
Now release any tension and be fully present in this moment and let everything else fade from your consciousness.
In the lyrics quoted at the beginning of this chapter, the Marshall pleads with listeners not to mix up two things. What are the two things he wants listeners to clearly separate when they are talking to him?
Explain the difference between “static language” and “process language.”
Marshall prefers to avoid even positive or neutral labels of people, for example: “a responsible child,” “a cook,” “a pretty blond.” Why?
What were some of the staff’s evaluations of the school principal? What was a specific observation they made of the principal?
Do the words “always,” “never,” “ever,” “whenever,” etc., express observations or observations mixed with evaluation?
Write out the four components of Nonviolent Communication?
Write down three factual observations about yourself and then write three evaluations about yourself. What is the difference in how they make you feel.
Give an example illustrating the difference between “static” and “process” language.
Refer to the table at the end of the Chapter that lists seven forms of communication. Make up an example for each form, starting with an observation that is mixed with evaluation, followed by an observation free of evaluation.
Give an example in which the following words express an observation. Give another example in which they express an observation mixed with evaluation.
What is Rollo May referring to when he speaks of “symphony” vs. “bugle call”?
According to Marshall, what does American education focus on teaching students?
According to Marshall, why do people in certain careers have even more difficulty than the rest of us in identifying and expressing feelings?
What problems might a woman encounter if she “expresses feelings” by saying to her husband, “I feel like I’m living with a wall”?
What are advantages of expressing our feelings?
True or false: we are expressing a feeling whenever we begin a sentence with the words, “I feel …” Explain your answer.
Why does Marshall suggest that we identify specific emotions rather than depend upon expressions like “I feel good” and “I feel bad?”
Take a moment right now and notice what are you feeling and then write them down.
Under the subheading “Feelings Versus Non-feelings” in this Chapter, there are examples of words that tend to describe: a. what we think we are (e.g., “I feel inadequate.”) b. how we think others are evaluating us (e.g., “I feel unimportant.”) c. how we think others are behaving toward or around us (e.g., “I feel misunderstood. I feel ignored.”) Think of five other words you might use that fall into these categories.
How do you feel in the presence of someone who does not express feelings?
It has been said that, except for grief, no feeling lasts longer than a few seconds or minutes at the most. (Of course, the feeling may return after a moment—depending on what new thoughts or circumstances arise.) What do you think? In the coming week, write down what you notice in one instance where you carefully watch and follow a specific feeling you are experiencing.
Imagine being given a choice to be born with or without feelings. Explain which you would choose and why.
Give three examples where you have useed the expression “I feel,” but in fact are expressing a thought rather than a feeling.
Start your own personal inventory of feelings. Imagine all kinds of situations where life is going exactly the way you’d want. Write down all the feelings you might feel in those situations. Now imagine the kinds of situations where your needs are not being met, and list the feelings.
Over the course of reading the book, challenge yourself to continually add to these lists as you build your symphony orchestra of feelings.
Should be Empty: