• Destructive Behaviours

    Many of us came to SLAA after one or more bouts with our destructive sexual or romantic behaviours. Perhaps we had an affair. Perhaps we got arrested for a sex offense. Per­haps we simply saw that our behaviour was creating problems for ourselves and others. Whatever brought us to SLAA, we can experience sobriety by defining our bottom-lines and abstaining from them. One way to begin determining our bottom-lines in SLAA is to list our destructive behaviours, which typically involve sex, love, romance, or unhealthy avoidance of these. Identifying the addictive activities we engage in helps us determine what not to do if we want to become sober in SLAA. Addictive, destructive behaviours render us unable to maintain self-control and incapable of guessing what our actions will be. Indulging in such a temptation, to use an AA analogy, is our “first drink.” Following are some brief examples. List six of your destructive behaviours. In other words, what specifically have you done that has made your life unmanageable and brought you to SLAA? What issues render you unable to maintain self-control? Include sexual, emotional, and avoidant behaviours that you are powerless to stop.

  • Match the numbers of your destructive behaviours above and tick the risks that apply. The “Other” option is for risks you may recognise that are not listed in the other options.

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  • Accessory Behaviours (warning signs)

    You may notice other behaviours that are not necessarily destructive by themselves but serve your addiction. It is vital to be aware of the obsessions, rituals, and triggers that have led to acting out. Look for behaviours that you are not sure belong on your bottom-lines or that have minor consequences. These are warning signs that you are in danger of acting out. Here are some examples of accessory behaviours. Mark the ones that have applied in your life.

  • Bottom-Line Behaviours

    Bottom-line behaviours are “generally, self-defined activities which we refrain from in order to experience our physical, mental, emotional, sexual, and spiritual wholeness.”
    A “bottom-line” is derived from a pattern—not necessarily any one specific activity. Additionally, a bottom-line needs to be clear enough so that it is obvious when it is crossed. If you’re struggling with finding a pattern, set a specific bottom-line anyway. It will get you started.
    For example, here are some possible bottom-lines:

  • Healthy (Top-Line) Behaviours

    Many member of the fellowship find it helpful to list behaviours that have a positive, personal element — behaviours that fulfil, nurture, bring healthy pleasure, growth and improve quality of life. Committing to do them can fill the time that we used to spend acting out and can help us grow along spiritual lines.
    Some examples:

  • Should be Empty: