Identifying Bottom Lines

Identifying Bottom Lines
Bottom-line behaviours are “self-defined activities which we refrain from in order to experience our physical, mental, emotional, sexual, and spiritual wholeness.” Bottom-lines are the boundaries between our addictive lives and “a new life of fulfillment, richness and mystery [that] surely awaits [us] as [we] move into sobriety.”
Step One: We admitted we were powerless over sex and love addiction — that our lives had become unmanageable.
Recovery begins with admitting that following our addictive path is making our lives unmanageable and we are powerless to stop. Each person in SLAA acts out differently. Therefore, our bottom lines are self-defined. It is up to each one of us, with the help of our Higher Power, our sponsor and others to learn to recognise our addictive patterns. We can set bottom-lines, which we refrain from in order to stay sober.
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Destructive Behaviours
Many of us came to SLAA after one or more bouts with our destructive sexual or romantic behaviours. Perhaps we had an affair. Perhaps we got arrested for a sex offense. Perhaps we simply saw that our behaviour was creating problems for ourselves and others. Whatever brought us to SLAA, we can experience sobriety by defining our bottom-lines and abstaining from them. One way to begin determining our bottom-lines in SLAA is to list our destructive behaviours, which typically involve sex, love, romance, or unhealthy avoidance of these. Identifying the addictive activities we engage in helps us determine what not to do if we want to become sober in SLAA. Addictive, destructive behaviours render us unable to maintain self-control and incapable of guessing what our actions will be. Indulging in such a temptation, to use an AA analogy, is our “first drink.” Following are some brief examples. List six of your destructive behaviours. In other words, what specifically have you done that has made your life unmanageable and brought you to SLAA? What issues render you unable to maintain self-control? Include sexual, emotional, and avoidant behaviours that you are powerless to stop.
Destructive Behaviour 1
Destructive Behaviour 2
Destructive Behaviour 3
Destructive Behaviour 4
Destructive Behaviour 5
Destructive Behaviour 6
Match the numbers of your destructive behaviours above and tick the risks that apply. The “Other” option is for risks you may recognise that are not listed in the other options.

Unmanageability Check List

Rows	Behaviour 1	Behaviour 2	Behaviour 3	Behaviour 4	Behaviour 5	Behaviour 6
Harming Someone	1	2	3	4	5	6
Life/Health Threatening	7	8	9	10	11	12
Hurting Relationships	13	14	15	16	17	18
Financially Damaging	19	20	21	22	23	24
Threatening Job	25	26	27	28	29	30
Lowers Self-Esteem	31	32	33	34	35	36
Psychologically Damaging	37	38	39	40	41	42
Spiritually Harmful	43	44	45	46	47	48
Legal Problems	49	50	51	52	53	54
Other	55	56	57	58	59	60

Significant Destructive Behaviours
As you review your list of destructive behaviours, keep an eye out for similarities. You may begin to see certain patterns of acting out emerging. Maybe it’s the type of activity you pursue. Perhaps it’s the type of person you pursue. Possibly it’s the way that you create or alter your schedule to make time to act out.For example, your list may reveal that you repeatedly be come involved with married people, severe workaholics and those who live far away. Therefore you might conclude that one of your addictive patterns is pursuing unavailable people.It is important to understand what your part is in the pattern. It may be tempting to say, “I can’t stop the affair because they keep calling me.” But that is blaming others for your behaviour. What are you doing to stay in these miserable places? How did you get there? How are you setting yourself up? Be willing to be honest with yourself. Your personal pattern may not be immediately clear to you. Sometimes it takes a while to know yourself — and to become honest about your actions. It may be helpful to ask others you trust in SLAA about their addictive patterns, or to work closely with a sponsor.Identifying addictive patterns is very important to staying sober. Not only because it helps you stop from relapsing into specific destructive behaviours — it also helps you avoid “new ways” of acting out — such as switching from beer to wine for an alcoholic.
Addictive Patterns
See if you can identify “patterns” in these behaviours.

Identifying Bottom Lines

Destructive Behaviours

Accessory Behaviours (warning signs)

Bottom-Line Behaviours

Healthy (Top-Line) Behaviours