Step 9 Amends
Name of person to make amends to:
Nature of the harm:
What should have been done instead:
Who suffered as a result and how:
The how is outlined in the definition of the harm above
Could the amends harm them in any way?
If the person does not know about the incident, it may not be helpful to tell them now.
Will the amends harm anyone else, relative to them?
Describe why the amends may harm someone (including yourself)
What are my feelings?
What kind of amends needs to be made?
Do I owe money? To whom and how much?
Don’t contact the person; I will do things differently – describe
Direct Amends method
Face to face meeting
Write letter / email
Direct Amends (in person, facetime or by letter)
How will you find the person? What will you say? The best language to use is a simple acknowledgement of fault: 'I was wrong...'
Making the Amend
The sponsor provides support during the amend process. Timelines may be discussed to help combat complacency. Direct amends can be made by attempting to make an appointment either by calling the person, writing to them etc. The process of making an amend has the following components :
1) Description of sponsee's recovery (where appropriate)
2) Admitting fault—this is the harm and the nature of the suffering
3) Expressing regret
4) Asking forgiveness
5) Asking if there is anything they would like to say, and if there is anything else that I did not mention and it still affects them,
6) Asking how the sponsee can make it right.
If direct amends is impossible, because the person is dead, unable to be reached, their identity is not known or remembered, or the nature of the suffering makes it inappropriate then a donation to charity may be an appropriate amends, or writing a letter, changing behaviour around all from that time on, or similar may be a way to deal with the amends in question.
Any other notes, including intentions in making amends.
Scheduled Date for Amends
Amends has been completed
Should be Empty: